"I'll think I'll pass on the bike ride"

Angry -

• That by "passing on the bike ride" you are also passing on seeing me
• That you're passing on seeing me without even mentioning it
• That if I tell you how I feel, you'll just say "men are clueless"
• That by "passing on the bike ride" you undid my plans for the day without a comment on that

Sad

• That I don't deserve a comment
• That my feelings don't deserve notice
• That we couldn't even talk about it
• That I can't even call you back

Afraid

• That I've made you mad and this is punishment
• That you're making the decision to end our relationship
• That I can't talk to you about this.

Guilty

• That I may have made you angry Friday
• That I was too free with my "advice", forgetting that unsolicited advice is nothing more than criticism.

EXPECTATIONS -- are these unreasonable?

• That you should be aware of my feelings
• That you should be considerate of my feelings
• That we have the kind of relationship that I tell you that you hurt my feelings.

Are these expectations reasonable? Yes, I do deserve a relationship where my partner is aware and considerate of my feelings. Given my experience with you, is that reasonable? Well, yes, I think you do try to be considerate of my feelings, I don't think you deliberately hurt my feelings. What's more reasonable is that my feelings get hurt rather quickly, that my disappointment easily grows out of balance in sadness or anger.

NEW REASONABLE EXPECTATION

• I expect myself to put early limits on my disappointment and recognize that a little disappointment comes with every kind of friendship
• I expect myself to remember that sometimes my "disappointment" is really "judgment" in self indulgent clothing.
• I expect myself to use the bicycle tool of relationships.

POWERFUL POSITIVE THOUGHT: I don't need to judge. I have better ways of taking care of myself.

ESSENTIAL PAIN? I don't have a "soul mate" who knows how I feel. I don't have a perfect friend and I'm not a perfect friend.

EARNED REWARD: I don't need a "soul mate" or a perfect friend. I'm willing to work at creating good friendships.

WDIN? I need to keep this relationship in perspective. This relationship will never be what I want. It can't be what I want because we're not the right people for that relationship. For who we both really are, this relationship works pretty well.

DINS? I think I'm the best support I've got on this matter.