Feeling Overwhelmed -- Doing Nothing?

How do I feel? Why is that question so easy to ask and so difficult to answer?

So How do I feel?
I feel rested. I feel healthy. I feel satisfied; I feel somewhat numb and overwhelmed.

Actually, I feel angry that I feel overwhelmed: Angry :

• there is so much to do
• that I didn't get my sabbatical
• that now I will never get a sabbatical
• that this is all Jim and Ray's fault. If only they hadn't ignored my request for a sabbatical
• that this is my fault -- if only I hadn't left STC, had been more assertive about my needs
• that I have to be assertive about my needs

And I do feel sad about feeling overwhelmed, sad

• that I feel this way so often
• that this feeling just saps my energy
• that I have to fight this feeling. Why won't it just go away! Actually, that makes me angry. This feeling should just go away.!!!!!!!
• Sad that I can't make it go away

I'm afraid. Fear that

• If I don't get control over this, I'm going to fail at everything. Work, CCC, BTA, everything!
• Fear that if I don't get control over this that I'm not going to enjoy my life as much as I could.

My part in this:

• I have the skills and it seems like I just don't use them.

UNREASONABLE EXPECTATIONS:

It's unreasonable to expect somebody else to protect my time, my energy, my feelings or me. Actually, it's my job to protect my time, my energy, my feelings and ME. It's my job to protect me.

It's unreasonable for me to expect that I will get better at using my skills unless I practice them. The time I waste by feeling overwhelmed and not doing anything about is my time. My valuable time. My valuable time on this earth in this body. What a gift from God. Why am I wasting this valuable gift? It's more reasonable for me to expect that if I use the skills I have spent a great deal of time and money to learn, I will feel better. It's reasonable for me to expect that the more I practice these skills, the more easily I can move myself above the line.

THEREFORE, I EXPECT MYSELF ;to put limits on this old wiring of "I feel overwhelmed". After all, based on past experience, I know this feeling is not based on reasonable expectations. I have always gotten done what I need to get done, often not perfectly, but always good enough. I have never really failed at a job. I haven't been perfect, but I've generally succeeded.

Connecting to my power-- that's how I feel better.

GRIND IN: It's my job to protect me.

Essential Pain: There is some old wiring that is going to take time and energy to change. Taking control of my time, my energy, my life, my money -- all of it.-- it's hard work. It's work I can't sail through. I can't just think about it and want it. It's up to me. It's up to me.

Earned Reward: I can do this. Confidence. (smile) CONFIDENCE. If I do take control, and do the work, I won't feel like an impostor. I will feel confident. I feel more confidence just thinking of this!

NEED: Keep doing the work.

GRIND IN: It's my job to protect me. It's MY job to protect ME.