Feeling Overwhelmed -- Doing Nothing?

How do I feel? Why is that question so easy to ask and so difficult to answer?

So How do I feel?
I feel rested. I feel healthy. I feel satisfied; I feel somewhat numb and overwhelmed.

Actually, I feel angry that I feel overwhelmed: Angry :

• there is so much to do
• that I didn't get my sabbatical
• that now I will never get a sabbatical
• that this is all Jim and Ray's fault. If only they hadn't ignored my request for a sabbatical
• that this is my fault -- if only I hadn't left STC, had been more assertive about my needs
• that I have to be assertive about my needs

And I do feel sad about feeling overwhelmed, sad

• that I feel this way so often
• that this feeling just saps my energy
• that I have to fight this feeling. Why won't it just go away! Actually, that makes me angry. This feeling should just go away.!!!!!!!
• Sad that I can't make it go away

I'm afraid. Fear that

• If I don't get control over this, I'm going to fail at everything. Work, CCC, BTA, everything!
• Fear that if I don't get control over this that I'm not going to enjoy my life as much as I could.

My part in this:

• I have the skills and it seems like I just don't use them.

UNREASONABLE EXPECTATIONS:

It's unreasonable to expect somebody else to protect my time, my energy, my feelings or me. Actually, it's my job to protect my time, my energy, my feelings and ME. It's my job to protect me.

It's unreasonable for me to expect that I will get better at using my skills unless I practice them. The time I waste by feeling overwhelmed and not doing anything about is my time. My valuable time. My valuable time on this earth in this body. What a gift from God. Why am I wasting this valuable gift? It's more reasonable for me to expect that if I use the skills I have spent a great deal of time and money to learn, I will feel better. It's reasonable for me to expect that the more I practice these skills, the more easily I can move myself above the line.

THEREFORE, I EXPECT MYSELF ;to put limits on this old wiring of "I feel overwhelmed". After all, based on past experience, I know this feeling is not based on reasonable expectations. I have always gotten done what I need to get done, often not perfectly, but always good enough. I have never really failed at a job. I haven't been perfect, but I've generally succeeded.

Connecting to my power-- that's how I feel better.

GRIND IN: It's my job to protect me.

Essential Pain: There is some old wiring that is going to take time and energy to change. Taking control of my time, my energy, my life, my money -- all of it.-- it's hard work. It's work I can't sail through. I can't just think about it and want it. It's up to me. It's up to me.

Earned Reward: I can do this. Confidence. (smile) CONFIDENCE. If I do take control, and do the work, I won't feel like an impostor. I will feel confident. I feel more confidence just thinking of this!

NEED: Keep doing the work.

GRIND IN: It's my job to protect me. It's MY job to protect ME.

"I'll think I'll pass on the bike ride"

Angry -

• That by "passing on the bike ride" you are also passing on seeing me
• That you're passing on seeing me without even mentioning it
• That if I tell you how I feel, you'll just say "men are clueless"
• That by "passing on the bike ride" you undid my plans for the day without a comment on that

Sad

• That I don't deserve a comment
• That my feelings don't deserve notice
• That we couldn't even talk about it
• That I can't even call you back

Afraid

• That I've made you mad and this is punishment
• That you're making the decision to end our relationship
• That I can't talk to you about this.

Guilty

• That I may have made you angry Friday
• That I was too free with my "advice", forgetting that unsolicited advice is nothing more than criticism.

EXPECTATIONS -- are these unreasonable?

• That you should be aware of my feelings
• That you should be considerate of my feelings
• That we have the kind of relationship that I tell you that you hurt my feelings.

Are these expectations reasonable? Yes, I do deserve a relationship where my partner is aware and considerate of my feelings. Given my experience with you, is that reasonable? Well, yes, I think you do try to be considerate of my feelings, I don't think you deliberately hurt my feelings. What's more reasonable is that my feelings get hurt rather quickly, that my disappointment easily grows out of balance in sadness or anger.

NEW REASONABLE EXPECTATION

• I expect myself to put early limits on my disappointment and recognize that a little disappointment comes with every kind of friendship
• I expect myself to remember that sometimes my "disappointment" is really "judgment" in self indulgent clothing.
• I expect myself to use the bicycle tool of relationships.

POWERFUL POSITIVE THOUGHT: I don't need to judge. I have better ways of taking care of myself.

ESSENTIAL PAIN? I don't have a "soul mate" who knows how I feel. I don't have a perfect friend and I'm not a perfect friend.

EARNED REWARD: I don't need a "soul mate" or a perfect friend. I'm willing to work at creating good friendships.

WDIN? I need to keep this relationship in perspective. This relationship will never be what I want. It can't be what I want because we're not the right people for that relationship. For who we both really are, this relationship works pretty well.

DINS? I think I'm the best support I've got on this matter.

Whatever will I say?

It is unreasonable for me to expect that I can change old habits or rewire my thinking unless I work at it. I do want to enjoy life's possibilities more. I have worked to acquire new knowledge and skills. Now it's time for me to use them. Just for me. And if somebody finds my work and finds it useful, perhaps they will offer a tender message.