Ms. Mavis

Ok, she's a cutie. I only hope that she and Earl can learn to get along.

New Job Changes

After months, I should have this routine down, but I don't and in fact I seem to be spiraling down. The commute is killing me. I am spending 3 hours a day in the car. When I get home, I don't move, I don't eat well, I pour a glass of wine and watch tv. I hate it and I am worried!

Angry

• I hate the commute
• I hate the time in the car
• I hate just sitting there
• I hate that I'm in a car - that I've given up my identity as a bicycle commuter
• I hate that I come home exhausted
• I hate that there is no place to walk at my new job. That there is no place to shop
• I hate that the office is so isolated
• I hate that it is really an office job.-- I don't get out that much

Fear

• I'm afraid that I am loosing ground
• I'm afraid that I am gaining weight
• I'm afraid that I am not eating well and not moving
• I'm afraid of getting fat
• I'm afraid of being found out -- that I'm not using time well,
• I'm afraid I'm not doing a good enough job
• I'm afraid all the solution work I have done is for nothing

Actually I really hate that I know the rules -- I know what I need to do and I'm not doing it. I hate that I am slipping back into external solutions. In fact I'm adding new external solutions. I just hate that I am doing that. I hate that I am wasting time and then complaining that I don't have enough time. I hate that I just can't power through and get things done!

I'm sad that I'm not good enough, smart enough, committed enough, "something" enough to be the person I want to be.

I'm afraid that I am doing damage to myself. I am afraid that others are going to see the truth about me.

I feel guilty. I am ashamed that I haven't been working according to the rules. I feel guilty about not eating properly, not taking care of my money. I feel guilty that I haven't been following Mastery Living Guidelines.

UE: I must have a ML routine. I can't have a ML routine. I should have it figured out by now. I'm a bad person since I don't have it figured out by now. I can't figure it out by myself. I have to figure it out by myself.

RE: I don't have to figure it out completely by myself all at once. I can use the ML guidelines and do a little experimenting to figure out a routine.

RE: I am going to have to set some good parent expectations and be accountable. That means I am going to have to connect to my power.

PPT: This is not too big for me. I can take care of myself during this time. I am a powerful woman.

EP: Taking care of myself is my responsibility. It's me. My responsibility. I am accountable. I will need to feel the anger, sadness, fear and not use the anger, sadness or fear as an excuse. In the end there are no good "excuses"

ER: I will feel better. It will get easier. I will be more in touch with myself. I will enjoy myself, my life more.

Need: I need to be a good parent to myself. Actually, I need to take a couple of days off and just get some things organized. I need to take the time to create and write down good parent expectations.

Support: Yes, I will need to check in. I may need more individual sessions with Judy.